Sorry I dont know Any stags

Somewhere between the job and the home 

Somewhere between the boss and subordinates 

Somewhere between friends and family  

Somewhere between my thoughts and my blogs 

I lost what I was , I lost what I was to be , I lost myself 

Somewhere in the worlds of dream , somewhere in the land of the awake 

Somewhere in the words that were said , somewhere in the words that were not said  

Somewhere in the deep dark eyes, somewhere in the touch of divine 

Somewhere in the pain and the laughter I lost my myself 

I lost my senses , I lost myself. 

I am created by what I loose and I gain every time I give  ( by choice or lack of it )

The inevitable has happened. Yes it had to happen (because  it was inevitable in the first place - silly me ) . I had avoided the eye contact and feigned death to avoid it but I failed and I had to clean my cupboard.  

I tactically evaluated the situation like a general. of a small country who knew going to war will cost him his job and not going to war will cost him his job . (In this case it was a beautiful Sunday wasted on cleaning /fighting ). 

Ah so nice of you to remind me that I had to clean , I was planning for it anyway . She was amazed at the response . She did not say anything poor women  she was all ready for a fight and I robbed her of it.

I opened the first drawer , whiff of smoke , is it burning ? nah it was just the dust , oh Delhi is so dusty I consoled myself. few bills were stuffed in I looked at them ah the missing links to so many disconnections that keep happening. I decided to look at them later and stuffed them in a plastic bag. Some gunpowder shots, oh I still have them , ( my face grinned as now I have something to do in the night will try to blast few caps and see if they still worked  . ) I took them out and put them in the sunlight as sap blasts that are dry make more sound. 

Ah what is that looked like a toy pistol plastic one with 6mm BB bullets (cool) Air gun with metal .22 shots (Wow) I should clean more often . I took them out and placed them on the shelf I will play with the gun as soon as I dust everything out. Some pencils and papers which i stuffed in the plastic bag. 

Now the runner  I really like this one . there as aurbindo sharing space with Robert frost and Neeraj . Ludlum with Prem chand and Pai. I dusted the the books and started to read one of them. Short stories of SAKI. I heard a yell - I asked you to clean them not read them . Asked me. I proposed my self that I will do it . ( She wants war I thought as I dusted "its all quiet on western front"  ) 

Another shelf and and buried between the books was a packet containing letters . Letters from my friends , I was amazed to see some of the names as I have no idea if they exist on planet earth . My first pen pal in Japan , My best friends letters , not so good friends , but yet letters and they carried information that seemed silly to me but in those days It was that information which was so important. Ok I will read them once again and I kept it carefully. 

A smile played on my face when I saw that big blue book . I had almost forgotten that i had invented a language and the code was right in those pages and it was dutifully written for 2 years so it contained a lot of stuff which I could not understand , I will crack my own code some day and smiled looking at it. 

She came back and yelled at me . you have created more mess than you have sorted out , What are these bags for she enquired , Oh I will look at them in in leisure time and what is this she pointed at the heap of books , Oh this I will take it back with me and read .

"Oh god" She said. I still wonder why she has to remember god every time she talks to me. Go and have your food your dad is waiting , Well you cant argue your mother when she is telling you to eat your food . So I left everything like that and headed towards dinning table . Wash your hands before you start eating. I looked at my dad and smiled and sat down to eat the food . She was cleaning the room I had just cleaned. hmmm the food is good and I will sleep and try to decode my blue book. 

I want to die on a weekend , preferably Friday night . Normally I would have loved to enjoy my weekend parties and Die but one can not be selfish all the time at least not when one is dying . If I die on a week day it will give trouble to my loved ones as they will be all stressed out working and heck they will have to attend my funeral , some will come from far and some from near. 

If I die on Friday night they can cremate me on Saturday afternoon nah maybe forenoon , after a late Friday night party I would not like them to come in hangover with face so droopy and sad that all will think that I owed them large sum of money.

Then from Saturday evening onwards they all can drink to my name ( in sorrow ) some of them showing that they are sorrow but maybe little happy from inside ( oh I still care for them ) . I will leave my bar open to them after all they have toasted many a drinks with me on it and they have all the right to toast a drink without me. 

That will also give them sufficient time to mourn me in fact if I will die on a week day they might not have time to attend my funeral and I am sure they will forget me due to hectic work schedule.  So after all I am selfish and I do not want to look like a dead  man who did not know anyone. 

And of course the biggest pleasure will be to hear about the nice things people say when you die. Ah all praises and to get them I would at least like to die once .